I find myself doubting my brain often these days. It started three and a half years ago, when I was pregnant with Aubri. I was so sick and stressed during that time that I chalked up my forgetfulness to pregnancy brain and miserable nausea. After she was born, I just thought I was sleep deprived. After all, the fact that I didn’t notice the skateboarder in spandex just means I’m tired or pre-occupied. But I started to realize that I couldn’t recall as many names anymore. As I got more into Facebook, I realized I’d forgotten names of people I attended high school with for four years. Through my pregnancy with Asher and his infancy, this forgetfulness became more pronounced. It is now no longer me forgetting where I put my phone (which I “lose” once a day), but forgetting names of people I went to college or worked with, reminding myself over and over to get my wallet before I leave and walking right past it out the door, or double and triple checking a schedule only to still get it wrong. I have gotten worse at math, using new technology, and even driving. Seriously, I’ve put my car in drive to back out of a parking space so many times I’m lucky my husband hasn’t taken away my keys. Am I getting stupider? My brain used to feel so elastic; if I repeated a phone number to myself 10 times, for example, I’d remember it. I committed my husband’s social security number to memory the first time I wrote it down, but two years later I STILL can’t remember what Aubri’s is. Oh wait, she’s three. See? I suppose it’s not surprising that we lose some cranial flexibility as we age, but I wasn’t expecting it to go this fast. Someone explained to me that my brain is probably just choosing to focus on things I’ve prioritized, like remembering to turn the stove off after I’ve done, or what my favorite line of that book I read yesterday is. It’s also gotten extremely good at analyzing the Angry Birds game for the best ways to maximize points. So it this an age thing? A focus and maturity thing? A lack of discipline thing?
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